The Scene: Write an article? Now? How. Inside my head, a cozy yet chaotic space filled with half-formed ideas, old song lyrics and an inexplicable collection of useless trivia are duking it out for air time.
The Battle of ADHD vs Good Intentions
by Loralyn
Analyst: Alright, let’s focus. We have a weekly writing goal to meet. The deadline is approaching, and our financial stability depends on consistent output.
Squirrel: Ooh! Did you see that notification? Someone liked our tweet from 2019!
Analyst: (sighing) That’s irrelevant. We need to concentrate on our article about productivity in the modern workplace.
Squirrel: Productivity? That reminds me! We should check out that new app that promises to boost productivity by 500%!
Analyst: We don’t need another app. We need to write. Now, let’s outline our main points…
Squirrel: (gasping) Is that a new email? It could be important!
Analyst: It’s probably just another newsletter we forgot to unsubscribe from. Can we please focus on the task at hand?
Squirrel: But what if it’s a million-dollar opportunity? We can’t miss out on that!
Analyst: The probability of that is approximately 0.0000001%. Now, as I was saying about the outline…
Squirrel: Do you smell that? I think we need coffee. We can’t possibly write without coffee!
Analyst: Fine. One cup. Then we write. OMG, you’re exhausting.
15 minutes later …
Analyst: Okay, we have our coffee. Now, let’s begin with the introduction…
Squirrel: Wait! We forgot to check our horoscope. How can we write if we don’t know what the stars have aligned for us today?
Analyst: Astrology is pseudoscience with no empirical basis. It has zero impact on our writing ability.
Squirrel: But it’s fun! And who knows, maybe Mercury is in retrograde, and that’s why we can’t focus!
Analyst: (under her breath) The only thing in retrograde is our bank account if we don’t finish this article.
Squirrel: Did you say bank accounts? Yes, we should check our balance. And while we’re at it, maybe do some online shopping?
Analyst: No. Shopping. We’re here to earn money, not spend it.
Squirrel: But what if there’s a sale on those noise-canceling headphones we’ve been eyeing? It could help us focus!
Analyst: (sarcastically) Yes, because clearly, our problem is external noise, not internal chaos.
Squirrel: (gasping) Did you just make a joke? We should write a comedy sketch instead!
Analyst: (groaning) We’re not qualified for that. Let’s stick to our area of expertise.
Squirrel: Expertise? That reminds me, we should update our LinkedIn profile. It’s been at least 12 hours since we last checked it.
Analyst: Our LinkedIn profile is fine. Our bank account, however, won’t be if we don’t produce this article.
Squirrel: (whining) But writing is hard. Can’t we just watch one episode of that new dog show everyone’s talking about?
Analyst: No. Absolutely not. We know “one episode” means a six-hour binge session.
Squirrel: (pouting) You’re no fun. Oh! I just had a brilliant idea for a novel! I know someone who just published their first novel, it’s amazing!
Analyst: (sighing) We’re not novelists. We’re article writers with a deadline. Can we please, for the love of all that is logical, write this article?
Squirrel: Fine. But first, let me just quickly reorganize our desk. A tidy space equals a tidy mind, right?
Analyst: Yes, because that’s worked so well for us in the past.
Squirrel: Was that sarcasm, I heard? Look! I found that fidget spinner we bought last year. I wonder if I can balance it on my nose…
Analyst: (facepalming) This is going to be a long day.
Squirrel: Hey, do you think we could write an article about the physics of fidget spinners?
Analyst: You know what? At this point, I’ll take any article. Start typing.
Squirrel: (cheering) Really? Okay! starts typing furiously “The Quantum Mechanics of Fidget Spinners and Their Impact on Procrastination: A Case Study”
Analyst: Well, at least we’re writing something. I suppose that’s… progress?
And so, another day passes, another deadline looms, and the eternal struggle between focus and distraction continues. Will the article ever be finished? Only time, and perhaps a few more cups of coffee, will tell.