Making Fun of the Typical Day-in-the-life of a Small Business Owner
“May your coffee be strong and your Monday SHORT!”
In the wild world of entrepreneurship, where time is as scarce as unicorns and multitasking is honed to the level of Olympic sport, small business owners have developed a unique dietary regimen. It’s not endorsed by nutritionists, and it certainly won’t be featured in any health magazines. But it’s the fuel that keeps the entrepreneurial engine running. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: The Small Business Owner’s Diet.
Indeed, I have a freaking caffeine allergy, yet I embraced iced coffee when I launched my business. Prior to that, I never had a coffee or a Coke or anything caffeinated. Of course, I had to build up some tolerance. Even today, I “half-caf” or “low-caf” it so that I only get slightly sick but not so sick that I override the benefits of the jolt of energy and focus it gives me being the ADHD squirrel that I am.
Breakfast of Champions
To be fair, the real breakfasts of champions in our house require a hefty dose of chocolate and sugar. No, they aren’t a daily staple. Instead, such breakfasts are reserved for special occasions like birthdays or the day-after-he-dumped-me experiences that my stepkids face. Otherwise, the day begins for me with a ritual – and a reward after waking up early and walking my pupper (wearing a headlamp and reflective gear because yup, it’s early). That reward is my French Press. Steaming hot coffee. Dramatically poured over vaporizing ice in a giant wine glass. Drowned in caramel syrup then swirled with almond milk. Mmmm. A feast for all the senses. Personally, I prefer cold brew, but who’s that organized?!
And my iced coffee is whimpy-whimpy-whimpy! Barely juiced, unlike a few friends of mine who start their day with Coke, progress to quad-espresso shots, then take their afternoon break with Mountain Dew – just so that they can make it through their day as a small business owner. Yikes! We’re talking about caffeine levels that could wake the dead.
The small business owner’s morning mantra? “Whatever works!” But wait, there’s more! Breakfast for the small business owner isn’t complete without a side of emails. Of course, those are served piping hot and with a generous helping of spam and a series of should-have-dealt-with-that-weeks-ago requests for “immediate action.” Who needs bacon and eggs when you have all that spam along with a sprinkle of overdue invoices and the chaos of spinning 10 plates?
Mid-Morning Snack: Stress Sandwich
As the caffeine high begins to wane, it’s time for a mid-morning pick-me-up. Or breakfast #2 of the day if you’re like me and having “one of those days.” Enter the Stress Sandwich. This delightful concoction consists of two slices of impending deadline, stuffed with a generous portion of unexpected problems, and topped with a dash of “Why did I start this business?” sauce. It’s best consumed while standing up, preferably while also answering phone calls, updating social media, and petting the poor doggo looking up with sad puppy eyes.
Lunch: The Multitasker’s Meal of the Day
Lunch? Oh, you mean that mythical meal that happens in the middle of the day when normal people take a break? Do people even take lunch anymore? For the small business owner, lunch is more of a concept than an actual event. It’s a beautiful fusion of whatever’s left in the fridge, eaten cold, ideally not past its expiration date, and definitely while hunched over a keyboard. The multi-tasker’s meal typically often includes a side of guilt for not taking a mental health break or for taking one. Either way, not winning.
For the health-conscious entrepreneur, there’s always the option of a “Walking Meeting.” For those that don’t huff-and-puff while they’re walking, sure, it can work. As for the rest of us, great concept, but no. Not happening in the real world.
I recall this one client I had who insisted on being on zoom for every call. The only problem was that she spent her zoom time multi-tasking on her treadmill squeezing a workout in – while chewing gum. I kid you not. You can’t make this sh*t up. She intermittently chomped away, thudded around on the floppy treadmill belt, grunted, and gasped for air while trying to discuss “important client things.” Truly, AAF as they say. You can’t even imagine …
Afternoon Delight: Sugar Rush Roulette
As the day wears on and energy levels plummet faster than the stock market when Big Tech gets summoned to Congress, it’s time to play Sugar Rush Roulette. This involves rummaging through desk drawers, pocketbooks, and the depths of the bottom shelves of the pantry. It’s part desperation, part optimism, and part procrastination because anything that you find is better than slogging away when you’ve hit that afternoon lull.
Dinner: The Midnight Oil Special
Who says dinner needs to be eaten at a reasonable hour? The Midnight Oil Special is a gourmet feast enjoyed long after the sun has set, and normal people have gone to bed. It’s a delightful combination of whatever can be delivered, microwaved, or eaten straight out of a can. My personal fave? The “Too Tired to Chew” smoothie: a blend of whatever fruits are on the edge, with a protein powder chaser.
Beverage Pairings
No diet is complete without the perfect beverage pairings. The Small Business Owner’s Diet offers a sophisticated selection:
- Morning Motivation Mocha: Coffee with a splash of more coffee and a hint of chocolate to hide the fact that you’re basically drinking what could have been squeezed out of a coffee bean.
- Midday Meltdown Martini: Water, but from a martini glass because it’s 5 o’clock somewhere and you like to feel festive. Truth – I have a giant wine glass that I use for water and another that I use for diluted iced tea. I’ve had some of my zoom clients comment about how nice it was that I could feel so relaxed and liberated to have cocktails midday. [insert judgement face!!]
- Evening Entrepreneur’s Elixir: Whatever is left in the bottle at the back of the fridge, served with a side of spreadsheets.
The Weekend Cleanse
Come Saturday, it’s time for the much-needed cleanse. This involves purging the week’s stress with a healthy dose of work-from-home, catching up on emails, and planning for the week ahead. It’s garnished with a sprinkling of quality time with the family (i.e., working on your laptop while sitting in the same room as them). And yeah, some wine.
Conclusion: A Feast for the Ambitious
The Small Business Owner’s Diet isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s a smorgasbord of chaos, a buffet of unpredictability, and a constant taste test of one’s limits. It may not win any nutrition awards, but it’s rich in determination, seasoned with passion, and provides the essential nutrients needed for success: grit, humor, and an iron stomach.
Remember, while this diet may seem extreme, it comes with a side of satisfaction that no perfectly balanced meal could provide. It’s the taste of building something from the ground up, of being your own boss, and of turning dreams into reality – even if that reality comes with a slight caffeine addiction and the occasional antacid chaser (okay, truth, I’m up to 3 or 4 antacid tablets per day, so I’m trying to kick a few bad habits).
So, here’s to all the small business owners out there, bravely facing each day with a coffee in one hand, a smartphone in the other, and a fire in their bellies (which might just be heartburn). May your coffee be strong, your Wi-Fi signal stronger, and your entrepreneurial spirit unbreakable. Bon appétit!
Footnote: I eat a mostly plant-based diet, walk a couple of miles per day with my dog, drink in moderation, limit how much caffeine I consume, don’t live on sweets or carbs, and generally do okay in in the nutrition habits. Sleep, however, and work-life balance? Fuggedaboutit as they say here in Jersey. I’ve got some work to do there …